The Fallacy of Good Friday

How We Know Christ was Crucified on Passover Wednesday

 

“For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale’s belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth” Mat 12:40

“… and be raised again the third day”

Mat 16:21

“…beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done” Luke 24:21

     Today we are going to study an esoteric doctrine: the fallacy of Good Friday.  Have you ever wondered about the seeming contradiction in the Bible, that Christ died on Friday, was in the grave three days and three nights, and rose on Sunday?  How do you get three days from Friday afternoon to Sunday morning?

     The answer to this question is that the tradition of Christ dying on Good Friday is erroneous and unscriptural.  Today we will expose this fallacy, explore how it came to be the prevalent teaching in Christianity, and unequivocally prove that Christ was killed on Passover Wednesday, buried and in the ground by Thursday, and rose on Saturday night (which would be Sunday by Jewish reckoning).  I strongly suggest you follow along in your own Bibles. Let’s begin!

     The source of the Good Friday fallacy comes from a misunderstanding of scripture.  After Jesus had been crucified, and as evening approached, it is stated that the following day was a Sabbath:

“And now when the even was come, because it was the preparation, that is, the day before the Sabbath”   Mark 15:42

     Looks like the following day must be Saturday, right?  But wait, the Sabbath referred to here is not the regular weekly Sabbath.  Rather, it is the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, a “feast day” Sabbath that followed Passover.

     Passover took place on the 14^th of the Jewish month of Nisan. Following the Passover was the Feast of Unleavened Bread, which occurred from the 15^th of Nisan to the 21^st of Nisan.  The 14^th of Nisan was called also called the “preparation day,” because the Jews had to “prepare” for the Sabbath that followed on the 15^th of Nisan. They “prepared” by finishing all servile work, travel, or other activities before the Sabbath began.

     The month of Nisan had many Sabbaths and special feast days that followed each other in succession. The 15^th and 21^st of Nisan were special “feast day” Sabbaths, also called “high” Sabbaths that corresponded with the Feast of Unleavened Bread.  From the 14^th to the 21^st of Nisan there could be as many as three Sabbaths—the weekly Saturday Sabbath, the “high” Sabbath which took place on the 15^th of Nisan, and the “high” Sabbath which took place on the 21^st of Nisan.  Let’s see what the Old Testament says on this subject:

“…on the fifteenth day of the same month (Nisan) is the feast of unleavened bread unto the Lord: seven days ye must eat unleavened bread.  In the first day (15^th Nisan) ye shall have an holy convocation (high Sabbath): ye shall do no servile work therein… in the seventh day (21^st Nisan) is an holy convocation (high Sabbath): ye shall do no servile work therein”

Lev. 23:6-8

    

     If there was any doubt as to which Sabbath followed the day of Christ’s death, the Gospel of John clears it up with this parenthetical insert:

“The Jews therefore, because it was the preparation, that the bodies should not remain upon the cross on the sabbath day  (because that sabbath day was an high day,)” John 19:31

     The Sabbath referred to here is not the regular weekly Sabbath, but the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the 15^th of Nisan.  It was a “high” Sabbath, and thus did necessarily have to fall on Saturday.

     Besides the issue of the Sabbath, another source of confusion involves how time was measured during Jesus’ day.  The Romans measured time from midnight to midnight, just like we do today.  Jews, on the other hand, measure time from sunset to sunset, commencing approximately at 6:00 P.M.  The new day begins with darkness because it is recorded in Genesis that evening came first: “the evening and the morning were the first day” (Gen 1:5). 

     The Jews divide the day into twelve hour increments, measured approximately from dusk until dawn.  So for example, when the Bible says that it was “the ninth hour,” that would be either 3:00 A.M or 3:00 P.M. (counting each hour from 6:00 o’clock A.M. or 6:00 o’clock P.M.), depending on whether it was light or dark outside.

     The Old Testament states that Passover was to be on the 14^th of Nissan (Lev. 23:5).  This was the time that Jesus and His disciples ate their Last Supper together.

     But contrary to scripture, the Judean Jews in Jesus’ had a custom of eating the Passover meal on the 15^th of Nisan, the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread.  This has often made it seem as if there were two Passover meals, because some of the Jews celebrated Passover on the 14^th while others celebrated it on the 15^th of Nisan.

     Thus Passover is often used synonymously with the Feast of Unleavened Bread, and when the Passover is spoken of in the Gospels, it could be referring to either the 14^th of Nisan or the 15^th of Nisan depending on the context:

 “Now the feast of unleavened bread drew nigh (15^th of Nisan), which is called the Passover”    Luke 22:1

“In the fourteenth day of the first month (14^th of Nisan) at even (better rendered ‘at twilight’ or ‘between the two evenings’) is the Lord’s Passover”  Lev 23:5

     Jesus and His disciples ate the Passover on the correct day, the 14^th of Nisan.  However, many Jews ate the Passover on the 15^th of Nisan, the “High Sabbath” of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, which was also called “the Passover.”

     Herein, we have covered some of the origins of the Good Friday fallacy and confusion surrounding the day Christ died..  Now we shall present the last week of Christ’s life and prove that he was crucified on Wednesday and in the grave for three days and three nights, just as the scripture records

FRIDAY, 9^th OF NISAN

“Then Jesus six days before the passover came to Bethany”  John 12:1 

     We know that this must be either the 8^th or 9^th of Nisan, because the Passover falls on the 14^th of Nisan, and the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread—which is also “called the Passover” (Luke 22:1; John 19:14)—falls on the 15^th of Nisan.  We can discern this to be the 9th of Nisan because Christ our Passover is anointed on the 10^th, corresponding to the date for choosing which lamb is slaughtered for the Passover meal (Exod. 12:3).

SATURDAY, 10^th OF NISAN

     As previously discussed, the new day begins with sunset.  Jesus arrives at Bethany Friday afternoon, the 9^th of Nisan (John 12:1).  Supper is served after sunset, meaning that it would then be Saturday the 10^th of Nisan when Martha served the meal (John 12:2).

     Jesus is now anointed by Mary: “Let her alone: against the day of My burying hath she kept this” (John 12:7).  This parallels the choosing of the Passover lamb on the 10^th of Nisan (Exod 12:3).

     Jesus does not travel on the Saturday Sabbath, quietly residing in Bethany until Sunday.

SUNDAY, 11^th OF NISAN

“On the next day (Sunday) much people that were come to the feast, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem.”  John 12:12

     Here, we now fix the date on the 11^th of Nisan.  This is Palm Sunday, the infamous triumphal entry into Jerusalem.  Jesus arrives on a colt and cleanses the temple of moneychangers.  At the end of the day, he leaves the city and returns to Bethany to sleep (Mat. 21:17)

MONDAY, 12^th OF NISAN

“Now in the morning (Monday) as He returned to the city, He hungered.  And when He saw a fig tree in the way, He came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, ‘Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever.  And presently (soon) the fig tree withered away”  Mat. 21:18-19

     Here we see that Jesus hungered, and when the fig tree bore no fruit, he cursed it.  While Mathew’s Gospel does not account for a time frame between the cursing and when the tree withered away, the Gospel of Mark does.  It is from there that we pick up the chronology:

TUESDAY, 13^th OF NISAN

“And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots.  And Peter calling to remembrance saith unto Him, ‘Master, behold the fig tree which Thou cursedst (yesterday) is withered away’” 

Mark 11:20-21

     There is an extra day between the time Jesus curses the fig tree and the time that it withers away, as illustrated above. This now fixes the date on Tuesday, the 13^th of Nisan.

     Recall that although the Passover was on the 14^th of Nisan, the Judean Jews also called the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the 15^th of Nisan, “the Passover” (Mark 14:1; Luke 22:1).  From the entire time of the 14^th to the 21^st of Nisan no leaven was to be eaten (see underlined below), and specifically the 15^th and the 21^st of Nisan were High Feast Day Sabbaths.  We now pick up the story just as the sun sets, the beginning of the next day.

WEDNESDAY, 14^th OF NISAN

“Now the first day of the feast of unleavened bread (14^th of Nisan) the disciples came to Jesus, saying unto Him, ‘Where wilt Thou that we prepare Thee to eat the Passover?’”

Mat 26:17

     Here, the sun just set on Tuesday the 13^th of Nisan, and the disciples are asking where to eat supper, the first meal of the day.  This would not be just any ordinary supper; this would be the Passover, Christ’s Last Supper.

     We know that the “first day of the feast of unleavened bread” in the above scripture refers to the 14^th of Nisan because, when Christ is betrayed and brought before Pilate at about midnight, scripture says that it is still the “preparation” for the Sabbath.

“And it was the preparation of the Passover (preparation for the High Sabbath day), and about the sixth hour (approximately midnight, count six hours from 6:00 P.M sunset): and he saith unto the Jews, Behold your King”    John 19:14

     Jesus is crucified and on the cross between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 3:00 P.M. the next morning

“And it was the third hour; and they crucified Him”  Mark 16:25

“And when the sixth hour was come, there was a darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour” Mark 15:33   

     Recall that Jesus is betrayed and before Pilate during the dark hours, so the “sixth hour” is reckoned from sunset, counting from 6:00 P.M.  When He is crucified in the morning, it is daylight hours, so the “third hour” would be approximately 9:00 A.M. (counting three hours from 6:00 A.M.). In both cases, however, it is still the same day, Wednesday the 14^th of Nisan, because Jews measure the beginning of the day from sunset to sunset.

     Christ fulfilled the exact role of the Passover lamb, dying on Passover day of the 14^th of Nisan, making Him “our Passover.”

“For even Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us.” 1 Cor 5:7

      Let’s compare the following scriptures regarding the Passover lamb and see how Christ fulfilled this role:

“Your Lamb shall be without blemish”

Exod 12:5

Christ was without sin, a form of blemish.

“And ye shall keep it until the fourteenth day of the same month (Nisan): and the whole assembly of the congregation shall kill it”

Exod. 12:6

     Christ was killed by the whole congregation.  The Jews told Pilate:

“His blood be upon us, and on our children” Mat. 27:25.

     Jesus dies at approximately 3:00 P.M. the “ninth hour” of Wednesday the 14^th of Nisan (Mat 27:46).  Recall the end of the day/beginning of the new day starts at sunset, and the following day—the 15^th of Nisan—is a “High Sabbath” (John 19:31).  By 3:00 P.M. there is only a few short hours before the Sabbath begins.

     The Romans usually left bodies hanging on the cross until the flesh rotted away.  But the Old Testament stated that a body could not remain on the cross during the Sabbath (Mark 15:42; Luke 23:54), otherwise it would defile the land (Deut 21:23; Gal 3:13).  Thus, the Pharisees arrange to expedite the death of those crucified by breaking their legs.

     But Jesus was already dead (John 19:33) and not a single bone in His body was broken, fulfilling the prophecy of Psalm 34:20 and the role of the Passover lamb, which could not have any broken bones (Exod. 12:46; Num. 9:12).

     Christ is buried and in the ground by sunset, bringing us to the beginning of the next day:

THURSDAY, 15^th OF NISAN

“Now the next day, that followed the day of the preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees came together unto Pilate, Saying ‘Sir, we remember that that deceiver said while He was yet alive, ‘After three days I will rise again’”  Mat. 27:62-63

     On Thursday morning the Pharisees request a guard be placed before the sepulcher, that it be, “made sure until the third day” (Mat. 27:64).

     It is impossible that Christ was crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday when considering that Christ himself said:

“For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale’s belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth” Mat 12:40

     It has to be a full seventy-two hours, three days and three nights.  Christ rises both after three days (since death Wednesday) and on the third day (since burial Thursday) (Compare Mark 8:31 and Luke 24:21).  A look at the diagram at the end of this chapter should help you better understand the chronology of the three-days and three-nights.

SUNDAY, 18^th OF NISAN

     Christ is resurrected the moment the sun sets on our Saturday night, making it the beginning of Sunday on the Jewish calendar.  We know this because Mary arrives prior to dawn:

“The first day of the week cometh (Sunday) Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulcher” John 20:1

“In the end of the Sabbath (Saturday), as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene… and an angel… rolled back the stone from the door”

Mat. 28:1-2

     It is impossible to cling to the belief of a Friday crucifixion if you compare the scriptures.  Tradition may hold that Friday was the day of this event, but this stems from an erroneous understanding of the “High Day” Sabbaths that fell on certain feast days, the fact that the Jews mark the beginning of the day from Sunset, and that the Feast of Unleavened bread on the 15^th of Nisan was often referred to as “the Passover” of the 14^th.

     Jesus fulfilled the substance of what the Old Testament Passover lamb foreshadowed.  He became “our Passover lamb,” and was slaughtered for the sins of the entire human race.  No matter how you do the math, Friday until Sunday does not add up to three days.  I encourage anyone interested to look into this matter for themselves and allow the unadulterated Truth to validate itself.  May the Lord of Glory bless you and illuminate your understanding. Amen.

Larry Word

             Jewish Time                       Gentile Time

	Wed. 14th Nisan	6 PM
	Christ eats Passover (Last Supper); is betrayed and arrested Before Pontius Pilate Christ Crucified Christ dies; Speedy burial before sunset
		12AM	Wed. 14th Nisan
		9AM 3PM	Judean Passover Lambs slaughtered Judean Jews eat Passover
Day 1	Thu. 15th Nisan	6 PM
	“High Day” Sabbath—Feast of Unleavened Bread
		12 AM	Thu 15th. Nisan
			Pharisees ask for a watch to guard  the tomb of Christ
Day 2	Fri. 16th Nisan	6 PM
	“High Day” Sabbath ends
		12 AM	Fri. 16th Nisan
Day 3	Sat 16th Nisan	6 PM
	Weekly Sabbath Begins
		12 AM	Sat 16th Nisan
			CHRIST RESURRECTED
	Sun 17th Nisan	6 PM
	Lord Rises at sunset, the moment the weekly Sabbath ends
		12 AM	Sun 17th Nisan

The Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Mr. California Bodybuilding Competition

A Satirical Account

     All seven deadly sins—pride, envy, wrath, sloth, avarice (greed), gluttony, and lust—were committed at the Mr. California bodybuilding competition on February 30, leaving this reporter to wonder what happened to people’s inhibitions and better judgment.  The event was held in Phoenix, Arizona, with the winner of Mr. California advancing to the Mr. USA competition to be held later this year in Mexico City, Mexico.  The dry and unfamiliar climate might have played a role in the sin and debauchery that flourished that day.

     When I arrived at the event, I first interviewed Mr. Los Angeles, who was rife with pride, bragging that he had the largest biceps of anyone in the competition.  I checked the stat sheet and confirmed it.  Mr. Los Angeles’s arms were a whopping forty-two inches, the most robust of anyone competing.  Mr. Los Angeles was also proud of his six foot and four inch stature.  He was also proud of his workout routine, his cultural heritage, and pretty much anything else about which I inquired.  This incited quite a bit of envy out of Mr. San Diego, who was all too anxious for me to interview him.

     Consumed with jealousy, Mr. San Diego finally interrupted my interview, disputing Mr. Los Angeles’s claims of having the largest biceps.  Mr. San Diego claimed that based on his five foot and one inch height and his forty-one inch biceps, that pound-for-pound and proportionally he is the better bodybuilder.  I explained to Mr. San Diego that, while I understood his point, the stat sheet still lists Mr. Los Angeles as having the largest biceps.  At this point, Mr. Los Angeles chimed in that, “there really should be a height requirement for bodybuilding competitions, to screen out the vertically challenge and those suffering from Napoleonic complex.”

     In response to this comment, Mr. San Diego’s jaw dropped and his face turned crimson red.  I saw a vein in his forehead start throbbing.  He began panting and suddenly, bellowed a primal shriek.  He charged, head first across the room, closing in on Mr. Los Angeles.  At the last second, Mr. Los Angeles sidestepped Mr. San Diego’s rush, leaving the bull to plunge face-first through the wall.  This display of wrath did not go unnoticed by medical personnel, who immediately rushed to Mr. San Diego’s aid to try to free him from the wall.

     Mr. Los Angeles shot me a wry grin of satisfaction.  He explained that at the last competition, paramedics spent forty-five minutes extricating Mr. San Diego from a wall.  “Yeah, he’s got priors for this sort of behavior,” said Mr. Los Angeles.  “This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.  He’s a short man with a tall temper.”

     It was then that a six foot, six inch Amazonian woman approached me.  I guessed her height because she hovered above Mr. Los Angeles, except she was definitely no bodybuilder.  The gargantuan was about as wide around as she was tall, a medical condition she later explained to me as a thyroid condition, but I suspected food might also play a role.

     “Hi, my name is Matilda,” said the Behemoth, proffering her hand.  She violently shook my palm with an iron grip.  “I’d like to apologize for my husband, Mr. San Diego.  He gets angry from time to time.”

     I assured Matilda that there was no need for her to apologize.  She ignored my assurances and went on to explain that her husband is undergoing anger management counseling and that she is seeing a doctor about her thyroid condition.  I told Matilda that it is a good idea that Mr. San Diego gets treatment because wrath is one of the seven deadly sins.

     The whole situation was getting a bit too awkward for me, so I excused myself to the restroom.  I assumed that the bathroom was empty because everyone was watching the spectacle of Mr. San Diego trapped in the wall.   I approached the first stall and gently pushed the door open.  What I saw astonished me.  There sat Mr. Sacramento on the toilet with a hypodermic needle stuck in his arm. Atop the toilet paper dispenser sat a clear vial of fluid labeled, “Anabolic Steroids.”

     Startled, Mr. Sacramento said, “What are you doing here?  I thought everyone was tending to Mr. San Diego stuck in the wall.”

     I stared speechless at Mr. Sacramento, wagging my head in disappointment, my eyes transfixed upon the vial of steroids.

     “What?”  Exclaimed Mr. Sacramento.  “Um… these are… um… herbal supplements… I mean… doctor prescribed… I mean…”  He writhed in his chair and fumbled for words as I stared in disbelief, wagging my head.  Mr. Sacramento must have recognized his precarious predicament, because the next thing I noticed, he thrust himself upon my feet, hugging my ankles and sobbing, “PLEASE don’t tell on me!  I’ll be disqualified from the competition if anyone finds out.  Name your price, I’ll pay anything.   Just don’t tell on me.”

     “Mr. Sacramento, get a hold of yourself,” I said, shaking him off my ankles.   He returned to the toilet seat, tears streaming down his face.   I was moved to pity by the pathetic loss of total dignity.  “Here,” I said, unrolling some toilet paper, “Compose yourself.”

     Mr. Sacramento dabbed his tears and blew his nose.  I explained to him that his steroid use was an example of the deadly sin of sloth.  While other bodybuilders spent long hours buffing in the gym, he took lazy shortcuts to avoid the harsh routines.

     “You’re right, man,” wept Mr. Sacramento as I laid out my indictment.  “Everything you say is right.  I just don’t wanna work out that hard.  I need help.”

     Mr. Sacramento thoroughly confessed his sin and promised to repent.  I, in exchange, promised to keep our little bathroom encounter a secret, provided he finally get up and allow me to use the toilet.  I really needed to go.

     When I finally left the restroom, I could see Mr. San Diego’s short, stocky frame, still dangling out of the wall as rescue workers continued chipping away at the area around his neck.  It would not be long now.   Soon the disgruntled bodybuilder would be free and the competition could commence.

     Matilda waddled around her husband, trying to comfort him amidst the work crew, but her husband would have none of it.  “You did this to me, Matilda!” screamed Mr. San Diego.  “You’re to blame!  You let me lose my temper again!”   Matilda glanced over to me and our eyes met.  She sighed and shrugged her shoulders.  Embarrassed for her, I scuttled away.

     “Places everybody,” came a voice over the loudspeaker, “the competition will begin in ten minutes.”

     I strolled over to the concession stands to buy some popcorn and snacks.  Suddenly, two bodybuilders rolling over each other on the ground diverted my attention.  Archrivals Mr. San Francisco and Mr. Oakland were engaged in a wrestling duel.

     “That Protein Bar belongs to me,” exclaimed Mr. San Francisco, choking Mr. Oakland’s neck.  Security personnel rushed over and separated the two bodybuilders.  I moseyed over to investigate the problem.

     Mr. Oakland rose to his feet and brushed himself off.  “Look Mr. San Francisco,” he began, waving the Protein Bar in the air, “I bought it first, so it belongs to me.”

     “But I had to get my wallet,” replied Mr. San Francisco, “and that is the last Protein Bar left!”

     A worker at the concession stand told the security guards that Mr. San Francisco wanted the last Protein Bar, but had to retrieve his wallet from his duffle bag.  Before he returned, Mr. Oakland bought the last Power Bar, and that is why the fight broke out.

     Playing the peacemaker role, I decided to intervene with the wisdom of Solomon.  “Gentlemen,” I said, “Don’t you realize that you are both committing the deadly sin of greed.?”   I paused for effect and both bodybuilders drooped their heads in shame.  I motioned to the security guard and said, “If that is the last Protein Bar, then it should be shared.  Guard, would you please cut this Protein Bar in half.”

     Suddenly, Mr. San Francisco screamed, “Noooo!”  He threw himself prostrate at my feet.  “Let Mr. Oakland have the Protein Bar.”  Mr. Oakland grinned triumphantly, unprepared for what would follow.  Mr. San Francisco continued, “Please don’t cut it in half.  A Protein Bar is too precious to be cut in half.”

     The security guard looked at me and said, “Only the true and rightful owner of the Power Bar would feel that way.”

     I nodded in agreement.  “Give the whole Protein Bar to Mr. San Francisco.”

     The crowd cheered in the background but Mr. Oakland fumed, “But that’s the last Power Bar!  Mr. Palm Springs arrived early to the competition and bought out all the Protein Bars from the concession stands.”  Mr. Oakland pointed to a huddled and alone Mr. Palm Springs in the corner, smacking his lips and chewing a Protein Bar.  He was immersed in a field of empty Protein Bar wrappers on the floor.

     I approached Mr. Palm Springs and said, “This is shameful, Mr. Palm Springs.  You bought all the Protein Bars before anyone else had a chance”

     Mr. Palm Springs gulped and hiccupped.  “Yeah, so,” he said.  “It’s my money and I got here first.”  He unwrapped another Protein Bar and took a bite.

     I explained to Mr. Palm Springs that he was guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony.  After much reasoning and negotiation, he agreed to sell one of the bars in his cache to Mr. Oakland. 

     No sooner had I solved another crisis, I heard over the loudspeaker, “Bodybuilders, take the stage… the competition is about to begin.”

     Mr. Oakland thanked me as he chomped another the rest of his Protein bar.  Mr. Palm Springs scowled at me, then both men disappeared into the competition room and the concession stands cleared.  At this point, I no longer cared who won.  Being around all the deadly sins exhausted me and I was ready to leave early.

     I turned toward the exit, opposite the competition room, and began walking toward the parking lot.  Suddenly, I felt a presence near me.  A shadow eclipsed me from behind.  Fear raced through my veins as I spun around to meet the threat.  I was relieved to see it was only Matilda.  There she stood, towering over me.

     “Matilda, you scared me,” I said.

     She grabbed my hand with that ironclad grip.  “Keep walking,” she said, and tugged me behind her toward the parking lot.  Her palm completely enveloped mine, as an infant’s hand disappears into an adult’s hand.

    “But Matilda,” I said nervously, “the competition is about to begin and your husband needs you by his side.”

     “Shut up and keep moving,” she scolded.  A new forcefulness beamed from her personality.  “I’ve got plans for you.  You’re going to be my new toy.”

     The sexual overtones became quite apparent as she dragged me across the parking lot outside.  “But Matilda,” I pleaded, “this is the deadly sin of lust.  Please… you musn’t… you’re married and we cannot just…”

     “Shut up,” she again interrupted.  She proceeded to stuff me into the back of a black mini van.  I resisted to the best of my ability but she was too strong.  She grunted like an animal in heat, overpowering me with her weight.  The door slammed shut, trapping me in a metal shell behind dark, tinted windows.  I immediately noticed there were no handles on the inside and no access to the front seats.  I was caged in!

     Matilda got into the front driver’s side and the vehicle leaned as the van absorbed her weight.  She started the engine, muttering under her breath, “I’ll get even with his little tantrums… some angry, vengeful sex… that will teach that husband of mine.”

     “But Matilda,” I pleaded through the grill gate that separated the front and back seats, “You and your husband need counseling.  This is not the way.”

     My final pleas were ignored.  The van peeled out of the parking lot, tires smoking in its wake.  I banged on the side and then the back window, but nobody could see me through the dark, tinted windows.  My nose steamed the glass as I watched the convention center disappear into the distance. 

     The van drove for twenty minutes before pulling into a hotel parking lot.  Matilda was hypnotized, in a trance.  She would not listen to reason.  She parked the vehicle and opened the side door.  I screamed, punched, and kicked but the Amazonian smothered me and effortlessly hurled me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.  She made it to her room and carried me over the threshold against my will.

     Unspeakable things were done to me that afternoon and I have not been the same since.  Even after spending $50,000 on psychotherapy, I still find myself taking three showers a day.  Furthermore, I blame myself for what happened.  I made the choice to surround myself with the seven deadly sins.  I could have left the competition early.  I could have told Matilda I was gay.  Many scenarios play through my mind as to what I could have done differently that day.  Instead, Mr. San Diego now has a bounty out on my head and I have been forced to change my identity.

     I suppose I should learn to be thankful that things are not even worse.  After all, adultery and fornication never made the list of the seven deadly sins.  That is a good thing too, otherwise it would not just be my life that was now in constant danger, but my soul as well.